“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” -Psalms 139:16 NLT
God knows and has known what every day of my life looks like. He knows every challenge, every joy, every mistake, every thought and word before I even think or say it. This is too much for my finite brain to wrap itself around, yet I believe it to be true. I believe it because I believe God is who He says He is and I believe THAT because He’s given me proof. My own, personal proof.
Once you’ve experienced God, I don’t believe you can deny Him. I can’t anyway. Because of all this and more, I know in my heart of hearts that God has got every aspect of my life. Everything that He allows to come my way He allows for a reason. I don’t always know the reason, but He does and that’s good enough for me.
It’s funny. I used to really struggle with God’s sovereignty. I really needed to know the “why’s” and “wherefore’s”. I don’t anymore. Even in this current struggle with Cervical Dystonia, I have this amazing peace. I’m not afraid. Even if He doesn’t see fit to heal me, I’m not afraid. I believe that He will see me through whatever comes. He is my Strong Fortress and my Comforter. I feel like I can walk through this with confidence and I know that confidence comes from Him – HIS peace dwells within me. That doesn’t mean my humanness won’t rear it’s head from time to time.
I am flesh and blood and not exempt from the battle between the flesh and the spirit. Depression, anger, self-pity – they will all come at me. Of this I have no doubt. But, praise God, because I belong to Jesus Christ I have a choice! I can succumb to the attack of those negative emotions, or I can choose to remember what I know in my heart and trust God. I can choose to succumb to the peace of God that surpasses all understanding and continue to walk confidently.
My pastor has this thing that he calls “The Gospel in a Nutshell” and it goes like this: “God is holy. We are sinful; separated by our sin. Jesus died to bear God’s wrath on our behalf, and – resurrected – gives us life and is our joy as we repent and place our lifelong faith in Him.” As I trust in, cling to, and rely on Jesus, He will keep me in perfect peace. The trick is to do my part on a consistent basis and that’s where prayer comes in.
I am so blessed to have family and friends who are doing just that – praying for me. I can’t fight this fight on my own. I need Jesus, the prayers of my brothers and sisters in Christ, and the support of my friends and family. Thank the Good Lord, I have all of those things and no matter what, I know that God’s got this and that I’ll be okay.