C.D. Journals – August 20, 2018

closeup photo of journal book and pencils

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My husband, daughter, and I took a little trip this past weekend.  The first one since my diagnosis.  We drove eight hours north to visit our son in Amarillo.  It was an interesting experience.

I am sad to say that I have become “that” mom.  The one who can’t do things because she’s not well.  My son’s roommate had his college graduation while we were there and I attempted to attend.  Where we were seated in the stadium was bench seating. I might have lasted thirty minutes, I’m not sure.  I was really enjoying my son’s company and, sweet guy that he is, he did his best to help me out. He even let me lean on him for awhile.  Finally, I just couldn’t hang anymore.  The muscles in the back of my neck were burning and I really needed somewhere to rest my neck and head.  My husband and I went in search of such a thing with no luck.  So, we decided to wait in the car.  About that time, it began to pour rain and our car was parked about a half-mile away.  In the end, we just walked around the lobby area until graduation was over.  Fortunately, it was a small class and the ceremony wasn’t long.  I was still in pain, but walking around was better than sitting and from time to time I rested my head on my husband’s chest.

There was a gathering after graduation that I just wasn’t up to.  My son called his friend and my heart sank when I heard these words; “My mom’s not up for a crowd. She’s not feeling well.  She’s having issues with her neck, so It’ll probably just be me.”  As my daughter would say, “Cry!”  I hate missing out on things!  Especially things with my kids.  I hated even taking naps when I was a kid because I was afraid I would miss something.  I’ve been that way my whole life.  I didn’t want to hear those words come out of my son’s mouth.  Yet, it was the truth.  😢  I was able to do other things while we were visiting, and it was a good visit overall.  I would have to say that graduation night was a low point for me, both physically and emotionally.

I know that I have new limitations now and that there will probably be adjustments that have to be made all along the way.  Knowing that doesn’t mean I have to like it, but I’m doing my best to maintain a positive attitude.  Even when I hear those dreaded words; “My mom’s not up to it”.

🙁💕

 

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