My husband, daughter, and I took a little trip this past weekend. The first one since my diagnosis. We drove eight hours north to visit our son in Amarillo. It was an interesting experience.
I am sad to say that I have become “that” mom. The one who can’t do things because she’s not well. My son’s roommate had his college graduation while we were there and I attempted to attend. Where we were seated in the stadium was bench seating. I might have lasted thirty minutes, I’m not sure. I was really enjoying my son’s company and, sweet guy that he is, he did his best to help me out. He even let me lean on him for awhile. Finally, I just couldn’t hang anymore. The muscles in the back of my neck were burning and I really needed somewhere to rest my neck and head. My husband and I went in search of such a thing with no luck. So, we decided to wait in the car. About that time, it began to pour rain and our car was parked about a half-mile away. In the end, we just walked around the lobby area until graduation was over. Fortunately, it was a small class and the ceremony wasn’t long. I was still in pain, but walking around was better than sitting and from time to time I rested my head on my husband’s chest.
There was a gathering after graduation that I just wasn’t up to. My son called his friend and my heart sank when I heard these words; “My mom’s not up for a crowd. She’s not feeling well. She’s having issues with her neck, so It’ll probably just be me.” As my daughter would say, “Cry!” I hate missing out on things! Especially things with my kids. I hated even taking naps when I was a kid because I was afraid I would miss something. I’ve been that way my whole life. I didn’t want to hear those words come out of my son’s mouth. Yet, it was the truth. 😢 I was able to do other things while we were visiting, and it was a good visit overall. I would have to say that graduation night was a low point for me, both physically and emotionally.
I know that I have new limitations now and that there will probably be adjustments that have to be made all along the way. Knowing that doesn’t mean I have to like it, but I’m doing my best to maintain a positive attitude. Even when I hear those dreaded words; “My mom’s not up to it”.