When last I wrote, Rich and I were trying to decide the next step to take in my treatment. After prayer and discussion, we’ve made a decision. On October 3rd Rich is going in for hernia surgery and my treatment is going to be put on hold until after that. We decided that his situation is more life-threatening and that our resources should go there for right now. We made this decision together and we’re both at peace with it.
As far as dealing with the limitations of C.D., it varies from day to day. Most days I think I’m doing okay. I maintain a positive attitude and do my best to make the best of a bad situation. My soft collar helps me accomplish things and allows me to feel somewhat normal, even if just for a little while. Those are great days, when movement is less and pain and discomfort are minimal.
Other days, I struggle more. There’s a lot of movement, pain and discomfort. I can wear my collar for less time without getting a headache, which means I can accomplish less. Some days it’s much less. I feel angry that freedom of mobility has been taken away from me. I feel fatigued and sad. Those are good days, when I get to be thankful that I’m still here with my friends and family, and I get to practice patience and acceptance. Ugh! Not always easy.
No one promised that life would be easy. I got this meme from a friend of mine on Facebook recently and I try to remember the truth of it:
I don’t want to find myself at the end of my time, realizing that I wasted it waiting instead of experiencing. We humans are so adaptable when we want to be. We are very capable of figuring out new ways to do things. Since being diagnosed with Cervical Dystonia, I’ve been challenging myself to do just that.
I am naturally right-handed. A few years ago I had surgery on both arms and wrists for Carpal and Cubidal Tunnel. When they did my right arm, it was in a cast for weeks. I had to rely on my left arm and hand. I figured out how to do EVERYTHING with my left hand. It was both difficult and amazing! I was amazed at what I could do! I’m trying to adopt the same attitude here. I’ll admit, this is more challenging. Trying to look at or focus on something while your head is moving, is a huge challenge.
I may never figure it all out, how to keep doing all the things I did before, but as long as I don’t give up trying I think I’ll be okay. As long as I remember that no matter what, I have hope in Jesus, I’ll come out victorious. I need to stay focused on that hope because without hope, the heart grows sick (Proverbs 13:12 paraphrased). I have always been a dreamer. My dad used to tell me that I live life in a tree. I’m okay with that if it serves to keep me positive.