”My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalms 73:26 NASB)
I’m going to be very honest here and admit something I don’t often admit. I’m scared. I’m mostly scared of dying and leaving loved ones behind. I think I’m even afraid of just knowing that’s going to happen. It’s unavoidable in this life. I’m not afraid of death itself. I’m confident of where I’m going when I die and who I will be with. It’s the deep sorrow and heartache that accompany the event.
Many, many years ago when I was 19 my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. She and my dad were divorced at the time. He was in Texas and she and I were living together in California. It was a sad and dark time in my life. She didn’t live a year after her diagnosis and by the time she passed the cancer was everywhere – even in her bones. I watched her wither away, literally, and it was devastating.
For years after I lived in fear of the same thing happening to me. She was 40-years young when she passed away – 20 days before my 20th birthday. The fear started to dissipate when I met Jesus and learned that my life is in His hands and He wants the best for me. The fear still comes though. I battle it constantly. I don’t want to put my friends and loved ones through what I went through with my mom. It would break my heart and I’m more afraid of that pain than any other, I think.
The truth is, I’m just a wuss. I don’t like pain of any kind, but especially heart pain. Heartache just sears through your core and makes it hard to even stand. It’s a deep and sickening kind of pain. There’s none worse in my opinion. I’ve given birth four times AND had shoulder surgery, so I know some pain.
This fear I’ve been talking about has the ability to stop me in my tracks and completely debilitate me, but I have an antidote. “My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalms 73:26 NASB). I know that I am weak. I know that my flesh and my heart will one day fail. I also know that whatever happens, God will see me through. He will be my strength and hope. He will take care of those I leave behind and those who believe in Him will have Him to comfort them, just as He has comforted me in times of loss.
This life comes with no promises of ease. In fact, the Bible tells us quite the opposite. “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33 ESV. I have found that if I keep my focus on this world and all the scary things in it, fear overcomes me. But, if I keep my focus on Jesus, my Savior and Lover of my soul, peace overcomes me. HE is the strength of my heart and my portion (inheritance) FOREVER. No one and no thing can ever take that from me or change that truth. My strength comes from Him and He is always with me. When fear threatens to stop me in my tracks, I look to Jesus and remember His words and allow myself to be overcome with peace instead. 😊💕