C.D. Journals – January 20, 2020

I haven’t written one of these in quite awhile so, I felt an update was in order. There are a couple of new things to chronicle. I got an emotional support kitten in September. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‚ It sounds funny, but she really is. It’s quite uncanny. She shows up whenever I’m crying and curls up on my chest, purring like a motorboat – and I mean EVERY time! She’s a gift from God!

My sweet Rich bought me a new vehicle right before Christmas – a 2020 Equinox with all kinds of sensors on it. Driving has gotten more uncomfortable as my head increasingly wants to stick to the left. I couldn’t drive our Cruze at all. The Equinox is wonderful. It has lane assist, blind spot sensors, collision warnings, and a sunroof! It is SO comfortable for me to drive. I can see really well in it.

And the icing on the cake that makes it so comfortable is the headrest pillow my sweet sissy got for me. It makes a world of difference.

As far as therapy goes, there’s not a lot of change. I’m trying not to get discouraged. Especially since I pretty much fell off the therapy wagon over the holidays. I’m trying to get back on now and building momentum is a challenge, but I’m confident I’ll get there. I turn 60 this year and I’m really hoping to “roll into recovery”, as the clinic director puts it, for my birthday. I’ve got about eight months.

It is increasingly difficult for me to get myself out in the world lately. Even with my wonderful new vehicle, I just feel uncomfortable in public. People either look at me funny and don’t say anything or they ask me what’s wrong with my neck. I used to try and explain Cervical Dystonia, but that got too complicated and I’d lose them quickly. Now I just say that I have a movement disorder and they seem to understand that better.

My head wants to stay turned to the left. I have to constantly hold it. For the few seconds when I don’t because I can’t figure a way to do something one-handed, my head feels like it wants to spin around and my muscles scream against it. The two places I am most comfortable are my bedroom chair and my living room chair with a pillow under the arm that’s supporting my head – both chairs are recliners. I like being comfortable so guess where I spend a lot of my time. I see that as a problem.

Life is a constant flow of issues that I need to work on it seems. Most recently just accepting the diagnosis, then learning to accept the new “normal”, and now dealing with progression of the disorder and increased social anxiety. Sigh! If I didn’t have Jesus and my husband by my side every day I don’t know where I’d be.

I haven’t “rolled into recovery” and the Lord hasn’t healed me yet. I have no idea whether either of those things will ever happen. One thing I can say for sure is that I am well taken care – spoiled even. Especially by my sweet, amazing husband who tells me he loves me every day. He is always there for me and will drop what he’s doing any time of the day or night to help me if I need it.


This is a picture of the sweetest, kindest, most selfless man I have ever known. God blessed me so greatly the day this guy came into my life almost 28-years ago and I am so thankful he stayed. He helps me to not give up and reminds me that regardless of the circumstances, life is worth fighting for. QUALITY of life is worth fighting for. With this man by my side, my life is indeed quality!

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